Christmas Countdown

It’s November. Christmas came to our shops and screens in September. This year, despite uncertainty about how we can celebrate the festive season, one thing is for sure; it will be celebrated. Not by everyone. Not everywhere. But by many. There is already a quest to bring cheer to the damaged world we live in; a desire to lift the nation’s spirits. Houses are prematurely ablaze with light and colour; Light in the darkness, joy to the world

Joshua is busy preparing for the festive season at his home. His countdown to Christmas coincided with the end of the summer holidays. Today, as he bakes mince pies, he will have dreamed of the cakes and chocolate that he hopes to consume over the next few weeks. Yesterday, as he created sparkling decorations, Christmas Trees and presents would have flooded his thoughts. He knows that the emergence of Christmas in the September shops herald the impending arrival of his three favourite P’s; people, presents and posh nosh. As he signs ‘Father Christmas’ and ‘Rudolf’ and dances along to ‘Jingle Bells’ his unabated enthusiasm will be infectious, his giggles and joyous grin, contagious. He is oblivious to the troubles of 2020 and, this year in particular, I will treasure his unbridled love of Christmas.

This, I confess, has not always been the case. Throughout his childhood, his excitement and anticipation in the run-up to Christmas wreaked havoc at home. A 3-month Advent for a child who has no concept of waiting demanded too much of us all. Josh became increasingly chaotic and unpredictable and his behaviour, mood and sleep deteriorated. We would fall into Christmas day frazzled and overwhelmed.

As the years went by, I began to resent and dread the premature Christmas advertising that so thrilled my son. For me, it heralded sleeplessness and stress and everything that I didn’t want our Christmas to be. For the sake of us all, something needed to change. Josh was unable to make alterations, so it was up to us to embrace Christmas from Joshua’s perspective. I mourned the loss of the ‘normal’ and opened the doors to Christmas in September.

As soon as Josh spied the early signs that Christmas was ‘a comin’ we welcomed a scaled down version into our home; festive books, carolling CD’s and the occasional decoration were amongst our early Christmas rations. In the evenings we would hunker in with duvets and popcorn to watch a Christmas film. As the months passed, our exposure to Christmas slowly increased; pantomimes, nativities, singing, dancing, extra decorations and the occasional party food were all scheduled into our diary.

Santa was invited into our house in December and we visited him at his county-wide grottos on an almost daily basis. We shared breakfast, dinner and tea with the jolly bearded man and he enjoyed the generous enthusiasm our family brought to the table. A tree was felled to the shout of “timber” and decorated to the shouts of “let me do it”. The house began to glisten inside and out and posh nosh appeared on the menu. Our chilled evenings in front of a Christmas film were the only moments when Joshua’s obsession would abate; as long as he remained immersed in Christmas he was happy to rest.

Every activity was micro-managed with picture diaries, symbols and signs, giving Josh routine and a sense of control. When less attractive activities needed to be woven into our days, Josh was more biddable as he knew that something Christmas-related would follow. Over the years I learnt to manage his excitement rather than stifle it. We limited all our usual activities, accepting that he and I would become tired. When we socialised as a family it was only with those who were comfortable with our chaos, noise and challenges; people who had the gift of blending their family into ours and loving us all no matter what.

We took advantage of any respite that we could access. For all our sakes it was necessary for me to work through the guilt and fear I felt. We all needed to press the pause button in Joshua’s countdown to Christmas. Being able to make time for the younger boys and their festive activities was essential. Being able to do nothing was a relief. Whilst Josh was happily entertained by others, we could concentrate on the needs of his siblings and ourselves.

On December 25th our house filled with Christmas; gifts and food appeared as if from nowhere and chocolate was hung on the tree. There was no particular order to the ensuing frenzy. I would have liked to spread out the pleasures and savour each moment, but Joshua couldn’t contain himself. To hold him back would have triggered shouting and stress so the control freak in me looked away and let him have free rein. Once it was all over my over-excited son relaxed for the first time in many weeks. He’d reached his summit and no longer needed to be on alert in case he missed the Big Day. On Boxing Day, he slept and Christmas was forgotten until the following September.

For a few years, we have only spent Christmas Day with Josh. As a sign of how happy and settled he is in life, he chooses to spend Boxing Day at his own home with his other family. He transitioned smoothly. I cried. When my mourning was over, I saw the good in the change and realised how much more we could enjoy Joshua’s enjoyment.

We take him out for excitable evenings without fretting about whether he’ll sleep at night. We can say the word ‘Christmas’ as many times as we want and sing Jingle Bells in September; ours is not to worry about the wider impact this may have. We are like the ‘fun’ uncle and auntie who buy noisy Christmassy gifts and return Joshua home as high as a kite for others to deal with.

Christmas has had its challenges. This Christmas will have world-wide challenges that no one could have anticipated in 2019. As I write this, I’m struck by Josh’s ability to encounter every Christmas as if it were his first; the magic and wonder is never lost. His optimism and expectation that good things will come to him is absolute and he receives without hesitation or question; trusting in the gift and the Giver. This is a remarkable trait. One which many would benefit from knowing at the end of a year which has seen such loss and uncertainty