The Stage is Set (Scene 1)

When I’m out with my family I often feels that we’re on display; players on a stage with passersby as the audience. This is unavoidable for a family like ours. We attract attention, Joshua attracts attention. Most people are open and want to understand. Few are unkind.

For many years I was overly self-conscious, finding the stares uncomfortable. Prior to leaving the house, I would weigh up whether I was up to the unpredictability of a trip out with Josh. Was I emotionally strong enough to ignore the attention he inevitably attracts? He is loud. He is different. People look and wonder.

I too would have looked and wondered. I would have noticed those with learning difficulties and speculated about their lives. I would have felt something; most likely sympathy for the parent or pity for the life that I saw before me. I perceived it to be thwarted, a ‘less-than’ life. I regarded disability as something to be dreaded – a burden. I wouldn’t have engaged as I did not know how. This was before Josh. This was before it was my son who was on display.

I have concluded that there are three distinct groups of watchers. Those who glance but quickly look away; those who look, think and wonder without realising that they’re actually staring; and those who stare without ceasing. These three groups are more distinct in children – the disinterested, the curious and the mesmerised.

Once I identified this I found it easier to formulate my response. What harm is there in a glance? A longer look doesn’t do damage. I would prefer this to lead into engagement or questions but I understand that no malice is meant. It’s just intrigue. Joshua is unrestrained when we are out; nothing diminishes his joy and excitement. He will attract attention. Yet he is unapologetic and I have learnt to follow his lead. I have become largely impervious in order to survive. Today, when people look, I smile in return and join in with Joshua’s fun.

However, I still struggle with the unabashed starer. To be the continued focus of uninvited interest feels invasive. But I am no longer cowed. I try to engage them and draw them into our world. Most are pleased; they feel more comfortable once the unknown starts to become familiar. They realise that we’re human and not to be feared. And fear is, I believe, one of the reasons people stare. When people are different and we don’t understand them, it frightens us.

Staring is a reflection of a world that isn’t yet comfortable with difference, a world that is only partially enlightened. A world where disabled people still face discrimination and negative attitudes. And sadly, there are those who, despite our attempts at interaction, have continued to gape. These are the times when it is difficult to remain unaffected……..