One such time was on a holiday in France. We’d found a small café tucked at the end of an alleyway, away from public view. Pleased to be there and buoyed by the absence of clientele, we sat outside for lunch. I experienced a rare moment of relaxation; the children were happy and calm and the food was being served quickly. The staff seemed understanding and no one paid particular attention to us.
Another family walked up the alley and sat on the table next to ours. My heart sank. A ‘bonjour’ was exchanged and we continued with our lunch.
Before too long, our courtyard neighbours began to show an interest in Josh. Giggling amongst themselves, they pointed at his bib and his dribbling. They looked and whispered and whispered and looked. I told myself to ignore them, to engage and smile. But no one in their family would engage with me. They were all transfixed by Josh.
Those in their party who sat with their backs to us turned their chairs round so they could see better. More chatter. More attention. Andy joined me in the attempt to engage. We were ignored. Finally they transferred their lunches to their laps and sat in a row, staring at the show who was my son.
The anger I felt was inexpressible and uncontrolled. With a limited French vocabulary, I accused them of being ‘le cochon’. In fact, very rude ‘cochon’. Not to be messed with, I demonstrated my fury with the corresponding Makaton sign. They seemed unperturbed. My French was limited and, in my fury, I resorted to Anglo-Saxon. We scooped the children up and exited the alleyway.
They’d treated Josh like an exhibit in a freak show – a biological oddity who was on display for their entertainment. It floored me. The incident was deeply distressing and threatened to overshadow the entire holiday. I worked hard at gaining perspective but for a while I felt anxious whenever we went out. To confidently put ourselves in public view again felt too much.
I believe I would respond differently if I was faced with this situation today. A calmer me would challenge them firmly but politely. I would maintain my dignity.
I wouldn’t run away or hide. I would stay and let them watch us loving Josh; we would demonstrate his value by the way we value him. I would want them to be enlightened; I would want them to leave that courtyard challenged and changed for the better, by their encounter with a differently able child.
Flower in the Rain 